Category: Well-being

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LIST-Learning-thinking Well-being

Keep on learning

Learning new skills can be useful and even better it can positively affect our well-being. Learning doesn’t mean having to enroll in courses or to get qualifications. There are many ways to bring learning into your life.

Many of us associate learning with childhood or our student days. As adults, it can seem as though we have less time or need to learn new things. Learning can help improve and maintain our well-being, it can boost self-confidence and self-esteem, help build a sense of purpose, and connection with others. People engaged in learning report feeling better about themselves and a greater ability to cope with stress, as well has feeling more self confidence, hope and purpose.

Some scientists think that setting goals and working towards them plays an important role in the way learning influences well-being. Setting targets and hitting them can create positive feelings of accomplishment and achievement.

Give learning a go

If you want to make learning a bigger part of your life, it helps to think about learning in the broadest sense. Classes and formal courses are great ways to learn new things, but there are lots of other ways too. You might:

  • Learn to cook a favourite dish that you’ve never eaten at home.
  • Visit a gallery or museum and learn about a person or period in history that interests you.
  • Take on a new responsibility at work, such as learning to use an IT system or understanding the monthly reports.
  • Fix that broken bike or garden gate. Once you’ve done that, how about setting yourself a bigger DIY project?
  • Sign up for a course you’ve been meaning to do at a local community centre.
  • You might learn a new language, or try something practical such as plumbing.
  • Rediscover an old hobby that challenges you, whether it’s making model aeroplanes, writing stories, drawing or painting.
  • Visit a local men’s shed or check out a community group and see what they have to offer.

Check out these sites

The internet is making it easier for us all to keep on learning in new and interesting ways and in the process enhance our well-being. It is worth checking out these free resources and sites.

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LIST-Physical Well-being Well-being

Sleeping well

A good night’s sleep helps to recover from the previous day and get ready for the next one. Sleep helps us to think more clearly, manage difficult situations better, and feel more energetic.

Although it’s generally agreed that 8 hours sleep is ideal, the most important part of sleep is the ‘deep sleep’ phase, the first 5 hours after you fall asleep. However, regularly getting less than 5 hours sleep a night will eventually takes its toll.

Stress can get in the way of a good night’s sleep. This can feed Into a cycle of worry, where anxiety about not being able to sleep makes it even harder to relax. Being worried about having nightmares can also make it hard to relax and get to sleep.

Poor quality ‘deep sleep’ can lead to:

  • Tiredness during the day
  • Poor concentration
  • Irritability
  • Aches and pains in the muscles and bones
  • An immune system that doesn’t work well, leading to frequent illness
  • Longer periods of depression.

Tips for sleeping well:

If possible, try to establish a consistent routine. Typically, this will take two weeks to a month to become a habit

  • Go to bed at around the same time each night.
  • Switch electronic screens off 30 minutes before bed. Try to avoid any highly stimulating activity before bed – whether that is physical stimulation like playing competitive games, watching an exciting or scary TV program or having a charged conversation that stimulates your mind.
  • Take a warm shower or bath before bed. Sometimes a warm bath about one hour before bed time helps the body’s temperature rise and then when it falls again you might feel drowsy
  • Read a short story or light, relaxing magazine article. Use a bedside light to reduce brightness when reading
  • Caffeine can have a body life of up to 7 hours so it is probably best to avoid drinks with caffeine after about 2 pm in the day – this includes tea (including green tea), coffee, colas and lots of other soft drinks (check the labels).
  • Going to bed too hungry or too full can get in the way of sleep because the stomach and digestive system are working hard
  • If you nap in the day time or before going to bed (in front of television is a big trap) then you might have tricked your body into thinking it is rested and you will have trouble getting off to sleep – try to avoid doing this
  • If you are taking prescription medication, take it at the times recommended as some medications can keep you alert if taken too close to bed time.
  • If you find you are waking up to empty your bladder a lot at night, then limit any fluid intake for a couple of hours before bed time. Avoid eating food that is too salty as this will make you thirsty during the night.
  • When you have decided it is time to go to sleep, relax yourself by taking slow, deep breaths through your nose for about 10 minutes. Notice the muscles of your body relax, as you sink and relax into the mattress.
  • If you go to bed and don’t fall asleep, DON’T STAY IN BED. This is the most important part of the sleep hygiene protocol – by staying in bed when you are awake you are training your body into associating bed with wakefulness. If you have lain awake for 15-30 minutes (no longer) then take your wakefulness out of bed, into another room and DO SOMETHING BORING. This is most important – sitting with a dim light on an arm chair is a good option. Once you are feeling drowsy or sleepy, then take your drowsiness back to bed. This helps your mind associate bed with sleep. You may have to do this multiple times at first. If it is winter it can be tempting to stay in a warm, cosy bed, even when you are awake – make sure the other room has a warm rug or blanket to put over your knees while you are sitting there waiting for drowsiness to come back again.
  • Remind yourself that even though nightmares are disturbing, they’re not real. I am safe.
  • Tell yourself, although I am anticipating a poor night’s sleep, it could be fine…I have slept well before. This tossing and turning at night will pass.
  • If you find yourself unable to let go of a particular thought or worry, get up and write it down, then you can come back to it and work on it after you have a good sleep.
  • Make sure that the room temperature is comfortable for sleeping. On hot summer nights, make use of fans or air conditioning, in winter use an extra blanket or heated wheat pack to keep you warm.
  • Try not to look at a clock or watch if you are not falling asleep – the time will pass anyway and checking may just make you feel anxious which will get in the way of sleep
  • Smoking nicotine stimulates the body – if you are a smoker try to cut back as the evening progresses and try not to smoke just before going to bed
  • Get up at the same time every morning, even if you had a bad night. Resist the temptation to have ‘just a little bit more’ sleep!
  • Do something to ‘wake yourself up’ in the morning, like a quick walk, run or bike ride.

If you have been having long-term sleeping problems, you know that it is not easy to change. It might be time to seek expert help. This could be your GP or other health practitioner, or a counsellor who deals with sleep problems. If things are really

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LIST-Physical Well-being Well-being

Exercise

Exercise is linked to mental and physical well-being. It has the ability to change your state of mind in both the short and long term in ways that give you more energy for dealing with life’s challenges. Exercise gives you a sense of control of your body and is often the first step to feeling in control of life events.

All adults will benefit from 30 minutes of moderate intensity activity each day.

If you can’t do something every day, it still helps to exercise fairly regularly. If you haven’t exercised for a while, gradually introduce physical activity into your daily routine. Exercise does not have to be done all at once; you can break it down into sessions of at least 10 minutes. Even a short walk can help you clear your mind and relax. Any exercise is better than none!

Different types of activity suit different people. Some people prefer team sports, some people like individual sports. Some people prefer to play competitively, others like a more social environment. Some people prefer the gym, some prefer games or sports.

If you’re not sure what would suit you, try a few things out. You don’t have to be an athlete to boost your fitness. Yoga and Tai Chi are recommended.

Some people find it really helpful to exercise with a partner or friend. Exercising with someone has the benefit that you can motivate, encourage and support each other to go for that walk in the middle of winter or to the gym when you are still aching from the last session. The main thing is that you find something that is fun or gives you a sense of achievement.

Tips for exercise:

As well as structured exercise or activities, there are day to day things you can do that don’t take much time, effort or organisation.

Work in an office?

  • Keep your walking shoes handy and be active whenever you have the chance.
  • Park your car a few blocks from work.
  • Get off the bus or train at the stop beforehand and walk.
  • Take the stairs instead of the lift.
  • Walk up the escalator instead of standing still.
  • Sit straight in your chair.
  • Get up from the chair and have a regular stretch and walk
  • Walk the longer way around to the photocopier or printer.
  • Enjoy a walk during your lunch break or team up with a friend to walk after work.
  • Stretch.
  • Walk to your colleague’s office instead of sending an e-mail.
  • Use a standing work station.

At home:

  • Walk around while you’re talking on a cordless or mobile phone.
  • Do some gentle stretches or movement while watching TV.
  • Use TV ad breaks as a chance to do a quick household chore.
  • Do some energetic house-cleaning, gardening or odd jobs on the weekend.
  • Get a pet.
  • Park the car further away when going to the supermarket.
  • Join a friend for regular walks.
  • See jobs at home as opportunities to exercise.

You can even book in a regular reminder to exercise.

Find out more:

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LIST-Physical Well-being Well-being

Eating Well

Eating well is about providing your body and mind with nutrients that keep you active and alert, as well as about enjoying the food you eat. Ideally you want to be eating five serves of vegetables and two serves of fruit a day, plus keeping your fluid intake up by drinking plenty of water.

In the last few years, a lot more people have become interested in food and cooking, and it is certainly more socially acceptable for men to enjoy cooking than it was a generation ago.

Here are some simple tips for eating well:

  • Eat a healthy breakfast.
  • Avoid snacking between meals or stick with healthy snacks like fruits and nuts.
  • Plan healthy, quick and easy meals for busy days.
  • Make use of the freezer – cook 2-3 meals worth at a time.
  • Enjoy cooking – experiment with new foods and try new recipes (there are literally thousands of recipes online).
  • Take regular drinks of water
  • Make the most of foods in season.
  • Enjoy meal times- turn off the television while you eat.
  • Invite a friend around to eat, or better yet, to help cook.
  • Eat slowly and savour every bite.
  • Cook using fresh, local ingredients.
  • Have a variety of coloured vegetables on your plate
  • Try not to eat after 8pm for healthy digestion and sleep
  • Include fish in your diet
  • Eat main meals without meat once or twice a week.
  • Listen to your body – eat slowly and stop when you feel full.
  • Try growing your own veggies, fruit or herbs.
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LIST-Building Connections Well-being

Words of Encouragement

A few words of encouragement at the right time can make all the difference. So we have collected and included a whole load of words of inspirations, comment and encouragement.

  • ‘You can recover. Its a hard and ongoing road, but it can be done.’ – Man Age 34, sexually assaulted at age 23
  • ‘The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.’ – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • ‘Character, is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.’ – Anon
    It’s no who you are. What you do defines who you are. The abuse happened to you not because of you. The abuse does not define you…love yourself.’ – Man age 45, sexually abused from age 9-10
  • ‘We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.’ – Aristotle.
  • ‘I spent so much of my teens and twenties just numbing. Now, I choose to live a life of relevance.’ Member of Living Well Support Group.
  • ‘Now and then, it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.’ – Guillame Apollinaire
  • ‘Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.’ – J. Hughes
  • ‘It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable.’ – Charles Darwin
  • ‘I’m letting go of the thoughts that do not make me stronger.’ – Anon
  • ‘It is important to remember that it is not your fault or your responsibility. The abuser is the only person responsible and being male does not make what was done excusable.’ – Man age 25, sexually abused from age 2-14
  • ‘So do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.’ – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • ‘Once you choose hope, anything is possible.’ – Anon
  • ‘You possess great knowledge and skills relating to survival and living, make the most of these and be kind to yourself always, you are worth it, as am I.’ – Man age 47, sexually abused from age 11-15
  • ‘Living well is the best revenge.’ – George Herbert
  • ‘Anyone who has never made a mistake, has never tried anything new.’ – Albert Einstein‘
  • ‘Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle.’ – Plato
  • ‘Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.’ – George Bernard Shaw
  • ‘Don’t be afraid to stand for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone.’ – Anon
  • ‘I am thankful for all of those who said NO to me. Its because of them I’m doing it myself.’ – Albert Einstein
  • ‘The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.’ – Steve Jobs
  • ‘Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.’ – Farraj Gray
  • ‘Life has two rules: #1 Never quit #2 Always remember rule # 1.’ – Anon
  • ‘When life knocks you down, try to land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up.’ – Les Brown
  • ‘A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success.’ – Anon
  • ‘It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.’ – Epictetus
  • ‘This too shall pass.’ – Persian Sufi poet
  • ‘I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.’ – Henry David Thoreau
  • ‘Everyone has inside them a piece of good news. The good news is you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is.’. – Anne Frank
  • ‘Fighting for your dreams isn’t always easy but it’s so worth it.’ – Anon
  • ‘Every day, a new opportunity to decide where your next step will go is given to you. Your future will be determined by the accumulation of these daily decisions. You control your steps and therefore your destiny, so choose wisely.’ – Kevin Ngo
  • ‘It is time for us all to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever – the one who recognizes the challenges and does something about it.’ – Vince Lombardi
  • ‘There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.’ – John Holmes
  • ‘Encourage yourself by encouraging others. It’s tough to encourage others without lifting your own spirits up.’ – Kevin Ngo
  • ‘To encourage someone is to help instill courage in them so that they can stand up and keep pressing forward.’ – Kevin Ngo
  • ‘Do just once what others say you can’t do and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.’ – James R. Cook
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LIST-Building Connections Well-being

Pleasant things to do

There are times when stress and life difficulties can seem to be getting the better of us. The more we try to sort things out, the more tired and frustrated we can become. Sometimes, it can be useful to give yourself a break, to go away and do something else, something relaxing, something useful, something pleasant or simply something different:

  • Go to the movies or book to see a play.
  • Go to the ocean, a river, a lake.
  • Go for a walk, run, swim, or a cycle ride.
  • Walk in the park.
  • Read a short story.
  • Pick up a pencil and paper and draw something.
  • Visit a fresh food or flower market.
  • Try a new recipe.
  • Choose a gift card for a special friend.
  • Look up at the stars or the clouds.
  • Wander around in a book or antiques shop, or a fishing and camping store.
  • Take a trip on bus, train, ferry.
  • Take yourself out to lunch.
  • Visit a library.
  • Listen to some music, go and see live music.
  • Do the washing up.
  • Contact a friend.
  • Take a dog for a walk or play with some animals.
  • Cook a favorite meal or snack.
  • Re-organise your files, cupboards, living space or shed so that it works for you.
  • Do a puzzle.
  • Plan a trip or short break.
  • Watch your favourite TV program, a good movie or a play.
  • Do some exercise.
  • Get out, go bowling, go fishing.
  • Sit and watch the sunrise and sunset.

Try to mix life up a little, book in something pleasant to do every few days.

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LIST-Building Connections Well-being

Grounding Exercises

It is useful to have a selection of grounding exercises that you can draw upon to keep your mind and body connected and working together, particularly for those times when you are becoming overwhelmed with distressing memories, thoughts and feelings.

People who have experienced childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault can sometimes be confronted by flashbacks or intense memories of what was done, to the point that they are feel as if they are back there, re-living the abuse all over again.

Grounding exercises are a way for you to firmly anchor yourself in the present.

The following grounding exercises are about using our senses (see, hear, smell, taste, touch) to build our mind and body connection in the present. In working through the grounding exercises suggested here, you might find one or two that work for you – remembering only to use the exercises that you feel comfortable with.

  • Remind yourself of who you are now. Say your name. Say your age now. Say where you are now. Say what you have done today. Say what you will do next.
  • Take ten breaths, focus your attention on each breath on the way in and on the way out. Say number of the breath to yourself as you exhale.
  • Splash water on your face
  • Sip a cool drink of water
  • Hold a cold can /bottle of soft drink in your hands. Feel the coldness, and the wetness on the outside. Note the bubbles and taste as you drink.
  • As you wake, during the night. Remind yourself who you are, and where you are. Tell yourself who you are and where you are. What age are you now? Look around the room and notice familiar objects and name them. Feel the bed your are lying on, the warmth or coldness of the air, and notice any sounds you hear.
  • Feel the clothes on your body, whether your arms and legs are covered or not, and the sensation of your clothes as you move in them.
  • If you are with other people, and you feel comfortable with them, concentrate closely on what they are saying and doing, and remind yourself why you are with them.
  • If you are sitting feel the chair under you and the weight of your body and legs pressing down onto it.
  • If you are lying down, feel the contact between your head, your body and your legs, as they touch the surface you are lying on. Starting from your head, notice how each part feels, all the way down to your feet, on the soft or hard surface.
  • Stop and listen. Notice and name what you can hear nearby and in the distance.
  • Hold a mug of tea in both hands and feel its warmth. Don’t rush drinking it, take small sips and take your time tasting each mouthful.
  • Look around you, notice what is in front of you and to each side, name first large objects and then smaller ones.
  • Get up, walk around, take your time to notice each step as you take one then another.
  • Stamp your feet the sensation and sound as you connect with the ground.
    Clap and rub your hands together, hear the noise and feel the sensation in your hands and arms.
  • Wear an elastic band on your wrist (not tight) and flick it gently, so that you feel it spring back on your wrist.
  • If you can, step outside, notice the temperature of the air and how much it is different or similar to where you have just come from.
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LIST-Building Connections Well-being

Pets & Well-being

Pets can make a positive contribution to our overall well-being. The known benefits of pet companionship include:

  • decreased risk of depression, heart disease and cancer;
  • increased immunity and general physical and psychological health;
  • increased self-esteem; and social support.

Pets encourage us to be active, to get up and get out and to establish healthy routines. Significantly, a pet can also help us to develop healthy relationships. Where an experience of childhood sexual abuse can cause us to become isolated, not daring to trust or risk ourselves physically and emotionally, pets can help us to learn that building a safe, caring and supportive relationship is possible. Pets help us to:

  • Learn about safety and building trust
  • Gain a sense of belonging (through shared experiences)
  • Develop interpersonal management skills (communication, setting boundaries, controlling strong emotions)
  • Accept physical closeness and affection
  • Recognise our limits

Pets can provide healing and hope for an improved future. As one man commented:

“(my dog) taught me that it really is possible to be in a room with a single other living creature and have them do you no harm. In a way I really feel like she taught me to love.”

Pets become part of our community of support, they are often considered “as much a part of the family as any other person in the household”. It is no surprise that dogs are sometimes described as ‘man’s best friend’, there by your side, listening, offering support and encouragement through good times and bad.

If you are looking for a pet, speak with your local RSPCA. They will be caring for abandoned animals that will benefit from your support and will be able to offer professional advice on finding the right pet for you.

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LIST-Building Connections Well-being

Helping others and Helping yourself

Sometimes you can lose sight of the fact that you have something to offer. Doing things for other people actually has a beneficial effect on developing our own well-being. Recent research in neuroscience shows that helping others and working cooperatively activates and strengthens certain parts of the brain, enhancing well-being.

Giving our time to others in a constructive way helps us strengthen our relationships and build new ones. Relationships with others also influence mental well-being.

Doing things to help others influences your perception of yourself and the world. The more people see you as a person with skills and abilities, the more you are able to see yourself that way.

In putting this into practice it is important to take care of yourself, to check that you are not doing this out of duty or continuing a habit of always putting others before yourself.

For some men, accepting help becomes easier if they can also do something in turn that helps someone else.

Giving can take many forms, from small everyday acts to larger commitments. Today, you could:

  • Say thank you to someone, for something they’ve done for you.
  • Phone a relative or friend who needs support or company.
  • Ask a colleague how they are and really listen to the answer.
  • Offer to lend a hand if you see a stranger struggling with bags or a pushchair.

This week, you could:

  • Arrange a day out for you and a friend or relative.
  • Offer to help someone with DIY or a colleague with a work project.
  • Sign up to a mentoring project, in which you give time and support to someone who will benefit from it.
  • Volunteer in your local community. That might mean helping out at a local school, hospital or care home. Find out more about how to volunteer.

You could put this into action in any way that suits you. It might be volunteering with a formal organization, offering to help a friend or an elderly neighbour, or making time to listen to someone you know who is having a hard time.

In helping others, take time to notice the conscious choice you made to offer assistance and consider how this fits in with the kind of person you want to be.

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Well-being

Relaxation